I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
