cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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