The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
