I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
