i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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