your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
