Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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