Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
