Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
