a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
