Your dad touched me again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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