Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
pray to the hookup gods
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
