i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
