drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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