bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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