My balls are so social today.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
