My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
