there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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