On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
