9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
