I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
