dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
