is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
