To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
