yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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