Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
