As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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