I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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