Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry about my life...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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