did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
