I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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