Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
