i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
