dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
