Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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