Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
