He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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