I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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