He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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