loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
