$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize