I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
