Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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