piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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