It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
