I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
