so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
