I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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