where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
