Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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