Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
