you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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