Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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