i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
