Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
