I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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