I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
