That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
