I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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