i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
