this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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