do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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