she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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