I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
