I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
