So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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