He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
