moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
